when depression mixes with guilt and anger it turns into a big crazy FREAK OUT!!!!!!! .:it's one thing to call me a liar:.
it's another to say
.:I don't deserve to say three words that mean the world to me:.


if this were a chalkboard I would punish myself like teachers do and write 1mill timez.

"I will be a good girlfriend.........I will make Jimmy happy............I wont make his life hell........I will be a good girlfriend...........i will make Jimmy happy....."

~*~and so on and so forth.~*~



To all whom read this,
I'm pretty much the most self-centered low-life nothing of a girlfriend...To all who know me...such as mi best friends or mi once-upon-a-time best friends .... you all know I love Jimmy....I have been told recently that mi "I love yous" are not accepted unless I mean them...in my book love and hate are the two strongest words in the world. I was taught to Love and to never Hate. I was taught not to return the words I love you unless the know the extent of how much you love them. you can love your family and your friends and your animals in one way.......but the one you LOVE with the center of ur heart.....the one who makes you're heart beet faster and slower at the same time......the one who makes you breath quickly every time you hear their name ...you love them an entirely different way.....Jimmy is that one.

Every single night he is mi last thought before I go to sleep.........Every single morning he is mi first thought when I wake up .......... every time my phone rings I get this warm feeling in hope of it being Jimmy and when it is a smile runs from ear-to-ear.

If i could scream and have the entire world hear me............I would announce Jimmy to be the man I love............

I would let everyone know
I am his
100%
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

yes we'll fight..........and I know we'll fight A LOT.....
but I know we'll also work through it.
we'll have a family.
we'll love each other.
we'll be together
<3

fighting is just a reassurance thing more or less.......and I'm a mega retard who doesn't seem to know how to fix thingz.

[[oopz]]

I love Jimmy...with all my heart...and I hope every last one of you know this.
he is mine...and I am his.

Got cha hopes up. drop em.
we're endless.

[[end]]


on another note.........I have a slight problem with the speed of my life now a dayz.
u know that midlife crisis shit ppl go through when they are like FIFTY....yea I'm just turning 18 and ......well u see...shit man almost 20years has gone by QUICK AS SHIT!! .......... 20more years is gonna go by even FASTER!! and I'm gonna be damn near forty........then even more quickly 20more years........almost 60.....and then within the next 20years I'm bound to die.........fuck man. idk mi life is gonna fly and it's kinda scary haha.

[[end x2]]